“Well, well” I say so certain of myself I might as well be the queen Angelina Jolie in Maleficent. This year has basically picked up a whopping big sea-bass and slapped me right across the chops, quite frankly I’ve had difficulty catching my breath in the past couple of months. As an excitable 18 year old in England, you set your hopes and dreams as far as the horizon stretches, usually aiming to pass through university in order to make the road a little smoother along the way. What we forget in our dream state is that the inevitability of 3rd year lingers a mere two years away and is frankly enough to make you reconsider and look into the potential of hiding in a corner for the rest of the foreseeable future.
There is something wonderfully exciting about third year but also something horrifically daunting about every step you take towards the end. In fact, I’m pretty sure the general consensus of this year is to do what you please and in being given that freedom I’ve chosen to self combust on several occasions. Truthfully, I’ve spent the last 17 years of my education groaning on that not a single teacher, tutor or tattle on-er-er? has allowed the students to take freedom in learning about what actually interests them, now they have, I don’t feel interested anymore. Is this the burden of education putting its dulling weight on everything that once excited me…or is it just me?
I’ve had my dealings with stress for a long time now so I think I have a good plan of how to battle through my anxiety with facing the end but this time it feels different. While still feeling somewhat in control I have this great baring on my back that keeps telling me it’s spiralling way beyond my grip. And it has made me very unwell.
We all set out with a good plan of action in mind and mine was to hopefully stay sane by the help of this blog, my one tool to remind myself I’m not completely screwed and that I can make sense of the hurricane that is my life. It’s been nearly 3 months since I’ve sat with my laptop and admitted to myself that I DO in fact have time to write. And my word, it helps. But that’s my release, this whole blog is my release – well that and breaking my bank account on lush products.
So I don’t know it all, in fact I have no idea but I know right now that an inconceivable amount of people, be they young or old, are stuck in the turmoil of the third and final year in education. Some days you’re going to wake up early and have the most productive day of your life, some days you’ll wake up a little sad about the looming end, some days you won’t even get out of bed. And all of it is okay and unbelievably, though you feel like you’re getting nowhere and you’re mountain of work seems to have tripled Everest in size, you are actually doing alright.
What’s important is that you realise just a few things:
1. This is the final stretch, that means it will be over soon but also that it will be over soon. It’s a positive and a negative but it’s okay.
2. That university all in all, was a good decision. You made it this far and we always knew the end would be the hardest part, don’t let it ruin the experience now.
3. Still make time to see friends, to play video games, to watch 9 hours of Netflix and just relax. Do not feel guilty or trap yourself away from having a good time.
4. University, college, education – at this point – is way more important than the job you have. (I’m going to do a whole separate post on this at some point) It may give you money but if it destroys your soul in the meantime and your boss is giving you nothing but grief you walk away and live like a pauper. It’s acceptable when you’re a student.
5. The most difficult, don’t hate your work or it will hate you. You came to university because believe it or not at one point you actually liked the subject you chose, so don’t run away from it now. Appreciate it. Be interested in projects because heaven forbid in ten years time you’re doing something completely different and you’ll spend all day longing to be back in class where it was easier and at least a bit interesting. Hopefully it will never be like that and you’ll excel in your core subject but shit happens.
I’m not quite sure how I’ll cope, I’m directing a full production, writing an entire thesis, coordinating a final year project and starting creative writing, along with a portfolio of evidence for every step I take around uni. Thinking about it I want to ram my head several times into the oven so I’ve just stopped. I’ve written out a list and decided I will handle every situation as it comes at me. And in 6 months time I’ll know what it was all about, I’ll put on my cap and gown and hopefully be very proud of this journey. I don’t know, if I’ve managed to make it this far, I’m pretty sure I can make it anywhere.
If you are having any trouble with your university life or maybe just a big task you’ve set yourself, what are your coping techniques?
Has it changed you in anyway or thrown you off track a little?
Either way it’s almost Christmas!
x x x