What are you talking about?

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Please explain yourself…


 

Where do I fall on the brevity/verbosity spectrum? In a few words, pretty far along. I have never known what to say, or how to say it for that matter and when it came to explaining anything I always chose the scenic route.

For a while now, I have realised this to be a massive vice of mine that I can’t seem to detach myself from. I stumble over my words in conversation, ramble in essays and stare blankly at my laptop screen hoping to remember the right words for what I intend to say. Sadly, I still have not found out what I’m trying to blurt out.

When it comes to writing essays, we usually get given word counts and you’re only allowed 10% either way or you’re guaranteed a fail for rambling. Most of the time, it’s a battle between too much or too little to talk about. And when I manage to jump the hurdle of writers block, I don’t stop, because I think I’m a bloody genius by that point. It’s like “man, this is a super intelligent quote, I shall speak for ten pages about how I not only understand it, but what it means to this particular essay, my life and every creature on Earth’s chance of survival in the event of a zombie apocalypse.” There would be no need for me to get a degree if I got paid for every time I got the feedback of “too much rambling”…BECAUSE I’D BE A BILLIONAIRE WHO NEVER NEEDED TO WORK, EVER.

I also find myself burdened with an apparent amount of social awkwardness that forces my mind to cave in on itself at the sound of a stranger making conversation with me. This isn’t because I don’t want to talk to people, it’s just the idea that I know myself and I know how damn right idiotic I sound at the best of times, so how the hell am I going to sound to this brand new person. And when I do speak, I end up saying whatever I didn’t intend to say or I trip up over all my words and usually say something the other person can conveniently make an innuendo out of. ARGH.

And even better, if I’m ever put in an intimidating situation, chances are I’ll cry and blubber my way through the whole English language until my listener has given up on humanity altogether.

I’m not particularly good with my words for someone who would quite enjoy being a writer, in fact I’ve struggled more times than I’ve prevailed in the art of language. But I’ve won over many a job interview, held my own in performance and “blagged” whole subjects I knew nothing about when questioned. So I’ve gotten by…just.

Oh and when/if I’ve had the chance, if anyone who has ever treat me wrongfully or hurt me  came across me again, I always somehow found the exact words to say to them. Or at least I did when talking to myself in the mirror and day-dreaming…

Am I going crazy?

Do you struggle with words? Have you ever had the perfect moment where you said the best thing you have ever come up with?

Demi Nicole

x x x

359 days to go.

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