When it comes to excess, I am reigning queen supreme of too much, I get too emotional, too greedy over unhealthy food, buy more than I need, drink more than I can take, work more than I need to, apologise more than I should have to. Hell, when I was looking for a photo for this post I went from typing “cake” into Google to typing an amended search of “lots of cake” as one whopping fudge cake just didn’t look right!
Now I’m a little strange because I either do things half arsed or completely Bree Van De Kamp/Hodge.
I’ve been a little distracted from writing on here for about a week now and I feel terrible but I actually started my final year of uni. DUN DUN DUUUUUUH! And I’ve become emotionally unstable since. It’s finally dawned on me that I need to make some life decisions, I need to think a little more outside of the box rather than leaning on the “I’ll figure it out when I get there” scenario. So I’ve been worrying and stressing like a neurosurgeon whose dropped half of his lunch onto someones brain. I’ve ordered several prospectus’ for MA courses starting in 2016, I’m signing up for every extra class that may get me merits onto these courses and I’m critically organising my last year to achieve the best attainable grade. I can hardily breath and I’ve only been back a day.
So I resolved my stress by buying a mega ton of cheesecake.
And for the past 24 hours I haven’t entirely been sure how to feel. For the first time I can sense genuine dread in my stomach, the sensation that some time soon I may have to make life altering decisions that will better my future and no matter how old I get I don’t think those things will ever get easier.
I’m beginning to question if all of this is too much? Why at 21 years old does it feel like I have to have all the answers to a life I am yet to live? It’s all a bit excessive and just possibly if I over do it, maybe I’ll forget to enjoy this last year. Maybe my life will pass before my eyes while I’m planning for a future I’m too busy to live.
As they say, moderation is key. So I’m leaving this short and rather open ended for now, I’m sure you’ll hear enough of my rants over the next year.
x x x
352 days to go