Tag Archives: 3rd year

Happy new year and positive vibes from here on out

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Happy New Year wonderful readers and I think it’d be stating too much of the obvious to say yet again I’ve been a slight bit absent from this poor neglected site. I did 100% completely underestimate the power of third year, two jobs, a social life and a relationship. But the positive aspect is that it’s manageable and I’m coping in a spectacular fashion, even if I do say so myself.

So hopefully we all saw in the New Year full of festive cheer, surrounded by those we love, having a grand old merry time. Personally, me and the significant other went to visit my family who were up from the South and we booked a hotel room close to where I live. I wanted to get royally bladdered in fantastic fashion but instead found myself with tummy ache watching Adam Lambert and Queen bring in the New Year. Which wasn’t all so bad.

This year marks some incredibly momentous moments, I will complete two shows, one written from scratch, two more essays, a written script, I will graduate, leave two jobs and hopefully gain a career, buy a house, visit Florida, buy a pair of cats and hopefully have a moment to relax at some point. And I must tell you the great news that I am now an officially legal driver! Yes, I passed the test and got there eventually, I must say learning to drive and only having a lesson maybe twice a month has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life but it was completely worth it, so very soon I’ll be uploading photos of my adventures in my very own brum.

Anyway, the new year for me is about new experiences, it’s about doing what I wish I did last year, doing what I always wish I’d already done and what ultimately I want to do. None of this new year new me boohockey. I’ve had my battles and my struggles especially with the likes of depression, anxiety and stress but it’s not something I particularly feel I need to talk about. 2014 challenged that, told me I was an unacceptable human if I didn’t carry a doctors note at all times to prove my problems, that everything else is a main priority and my health was second. I treat myself with this same discipline and for a long time made myself incredibly unhappy to a point where no amount of James Blunt and Man Vs Food marathons could fix me and sadly nothing else either. So I gave it all up, I stepped back from the things that hurt me, accepted that ultimately I didn’t give a fuck what narrow minded individuals wanted to project onto. And my word, it felt incredible, absolutely fucking terrifying but for the rest of time, I promise, it was one of the best feelings to experience. A sense of freedom and independence. That’s what I want 2015 to be, a year where selfishly I take risks and say how I feel and do what i need to do to be where I know I’ll be happiest.

It’s not something I’d generally preach about, I don’t believe in any of this “New Year, New Me” horseradish and it’s in that that I figured a year doesn’t change you, you change the year. 2014 did nothing to me, the events I led myself to did however. I should have put my foot down with things to begin with, I should have spoken up and I should have been more spontaneous in that sense. We may only be 12 days in, but already I’m committing to do the things I’ve always wanted to, I got my driving license, I’m taking time to write, eating healthy and taking care of myself.

At the moment I’m stuck in a week of intensive rehearsal and technical figuration with our physical performance of Cinderella. I’ve got the ambitious role of director, gained the role of sound guy and music wiz and am configuring how everything is going to work overall, ready for the three performances next week. I’m going to do a little dedicated post to the show after we wrap on Saturday, show some photos, video and fantastic artwork courtesy of one of the loveliest friends. It’s going well, just the tweaks and final touches and hopefully we will have a beautiful piece of theatre.

What’s next for this blog, should you stick around? Well i haven’t been particularly interesting for the best part of last year but I’m going to do everything I can to find talking points and to just generally check in with you all. I’m half way through a Bootea teatox at the moment so I’ll post a review of that as a lot of people are interested in the whole january detoxing thing and whether it’s worth doing or not. I have a couple of Lush and product hauls, the blogging university to keep up with, general reviews and creative endeavours to badger on about too. So if you find yourself bored and wanting something to read while you awkwardly avoid having to make conversation with that person you just noticed from your class sat opposite you on the train, then here I am. Or just if you’re a little lost.

Keep happy and positive

Demi Nicole

x x x

Out of the Embers

If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere


 

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“Well, well” I say so certain of myself I might as well be the queen Angelina Jolie in Maleficent. This year has basically picked up a whopping big sea-bass and slapped me right across the chops, quite frankly I’ve had difficulty catching my breath in the past couple of months. As an excitable 18 year old in England, you set your hopes and dreams as far as the horizon stretches, usually aiming to pass through university in order to make the road a little smoother along the way. What we forget in our dream state is that the inevitability of 3rd year lingers a mere two years away and is frankly enough to make you reconsider and look into the potential of hiding in a corner for the rest of the foreseeable future.

There is something wonderfully exciting about third year but also something horrifically daunting about every step you take towards the end. In fact, I’m pretty sure the general consensus of this year is to do what you please and in being given that freedom I’ve chosen to self combust on several occasions.  Truthfully, I’ve spent the last 17 years of my education groaning on that not a single teacher, tutor or tattle on-er-er? has allowed the students to take freedom in learning about what actually interests them, now they have, I don’t feel interested anymore. Is this the burden of education putting its dulling weight on everything that once excited me…or is it just me?

I’ve had my dealings with stress for a long time now so I think I have a good plan of how to battle through my anxiety with facing the end but this time it feels different. While still feeling somewhat in control I have this great baring on my back that keeps telling me it’s spiralling way beyond my grip. And it has made me very unwell.

We all set out with a good plan of action in mind and mine was to hopefully stay sane by the help of this blog, my one tool to remind myself I’m not completely screwed and that I can make sense of the hurricane that is my life. It’s been nearly 3 months since I’ve sat with my laptop and admitted to myself that I DO in fact have time to write. And my word, it helps. But that’s my release, this whole blog is my release – well that and breaking my bank account on lush products.

So I don’t know it all, in fact I have no idea but I know right now that an inconceivable amount of people, be they young or old, are stuck in the turmoil of the third and final year in education. Some days you’re going to wake up early and have the most productive day of your life, some days you’ll wake up a little sad about the looming end, some days you won’t even get out of bed. And all of it is okay and unbelievably, though you feel like you’re getting nowhere and you’re mountain of work seems to have tripled Everest in size, you are actually doing alright.

What’s important is that you realise just a few things:

1. This is the final stretch, that means it will be over soon but also that it will be over soon. It’s a positive and a negative but it’s okay.

2. That university all in all, was a good decision. You made it this far and we always knew the end would be the hardest part, don’t let it ruin the experience now.

3. Still make time to see friends, to play video games, to watch 9 hours of Netflix and just relax. Do not feel guilty or trap yourself away from having a good time.

4. University, college, education – at this point – is way more important than the job you have. (I’m going to do a whole separate post on this at some point) It may give you money but if it destroys your soul in the meantime and your boss is giving you nothing but grief you walk away and live like a pauper. It’s acceptable when you’re a student.

5. The most difficult, don’t hate your work or it will hate you. You came to university because believe it or not at one point you actually liked the subject you chose, so don’t run away from it now. Appreciate it. Be interested in projects because heaven forbid in ten years time you’re doing something completely different and you’ll spend all day longing to be back in class where it was easier and at least a bit interesting. Hopefully it will never be like that and you’ll excel in your core subject but shit happens.

I’m not quite sure how I’ll cope, I’m directing a full production, writing an entire thesis, coordinating a final year project and starting creative writing, along with a portfolio of evidence for every step I take around uni. Thinking about it I want to ram my head several times into the oven so I’ve just stopped. I’ve written out a list and decided I will handle every situation as it comes at me. And in 6 months time I’ll know what it was all about, I’ll put on my cap and gown and hopefully be very proud of this journey. I don’t know, if I’ve managed to make it this far, I’m pretty sure I can make it anywhere.

If you are having any trouble with your university life or maybe just a big task you’ve set yourself, what are your coping techniques?

Has it changed you in anyway or thrown you off track a little?

Either way it’s almost Christmas!

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Demi Nicole 

x x x