Big First Steps

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Here I come third year…


 

Oh wow! I have had the most hectic and tremendous week and I must apologise for my lack of presence here recently. This first week of third year has been rather overwhelming to say the least.

So I told you about the big scary “sort out what you want to do with the rest of your life” talk with uni right? Well I came up with a few ideas, mainly I want to do an extremely prestigious directing course in Bristol that begins in the spring of 2016 and if not that, if I manage to pull off a First class degree with Huddersfield I will gain a scholarship for a masters researching whatever I please. That’s a stepping stone to the future I think I can manage at the moment and I’m quite proud of finding these little courses almost from nowhere. I now have an abundance of prospectus guides and more idea of what to do next than I did this time last week…so I feel productive. Well, they were productive if I’m good enough to achieve either of them.

My start to the first week back began with a strenuous and muscle murdering 3 hour practical session of physical theatre for our full cast production of Cinderella. Which, on Tuesday morning, left me in a ball on my bedroom floor, crying in excruciating pain. Maybe I need to get a little fitter if I’m going to survive this year! Then after that, I had the pleasure of a quick change act in a tiny toilet cubicle in order to get ready for my shift at work that began 10 minutes later. Sweaty and dishevelled, I dashed to my job to do a 6 hour shift then ran back to uni to pitch my Final Year Project.

Me and Joe (friend, uni partner, ex work buddy) pitched our ideas and it seemed to go down well, apart from the fact it was apparent we lost the commitment of people who had previously shown interest. No bad blood though. We did however gain two of my housemates as possible cast candidates and that’s left us pretty raring to go. However I’m still stuck with the idea of doing a two person piece so we can really focus down on our own areas of interest but working with more people brings more concepts and creativity and it’s almost always a positive way to work.

On the Tuesday I enjoyed a proper day off, I even ordered my monthly food shop (that’s as best as you can hope for as a student) online and just lazed about in bed for the day. It was glorious. And on Wednesday morning it felt like Christmas as the magical man from Tesco delivered me an abundance of yummy goodness. It really is the small things sometimes.

More practical sessions happened, lectures reminded me that losing the will to live was the easiest of games to lose and I worked a whole ton more. But good things really do come to those who wait. I’m directing Cinderella and with that I get to write the whole concept for our performance, I get to be a visual eye for the entirety of the piece and this excites me beyond anything. I get to shape a brilliant work of creativity and get to see it unfold before my eyes and it truly is a thrilling experience.

It makes me feel quite sad because when I think about it, this will be the last time I get to work with some people I’ve spent a whole 3 years with and with every end of each comes the melancholy feelings. But we still have now and we have the opportunity to go out with a bang!

Also I got a pay rise, started a writing class, saw the unveiling and reading of a beautiful poem that is painted on the university and I am pretty settled in a lot of my choices. After a summer of torment and horrendous attitudes, I am happy to have found calm for the first time in forever.

I can only hope these good vibes continue somewhat, at least to get me through the Christmas period. I mean I’m sat writing this in the freezing cold that is England in October, waiting to get a train I should have caught an hour and a half ago…and I’m still happy.

This is a change.

Demi Nicole

X x x

P.s In regards to the daily prompt, I don’t prepare, I just go with it and see what happens.

347 days to go

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What are you talking about?

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Please explain yourself…


 

Where do I fall on the brevity/verbosity spectrum? In a few words, pretty far along. I have never known what to say, or how to say it for that matter and when it came to explaining anything I always chose the scenic route.

For a while now, I have realised this to be a massive vice of mine that I can’t seem to detach myself from. I stumble over my words in conversation, ramble in essays and stare blankly at my laptop screen hoping to remember the right words for what I intend to say. Sadly, I still have not found out what I’m trying to blurt out.

When it comes to writing essays, we usually get given word counts and you’re only allowed 10% either way or you’re guaranteed a fail for rambling. Most of the time, it’s a battle between too much or too little to talk about. And when I manage to jump the hurdle of writers block, I don’t stop, because I think I’m a bloody genius by that point. It’s like “man, this is a super intelligent quote, I shall speak for ten pages about how I not only understand it, but what it means to this particular essay, my life and every creature on Earth’s chance of survival in the event of a zombie apocalypse.” There would be no need for me to get a degree if I got paid for every time I got the feedback of “too much rambling”…BECAUSE I’D BE A BILLIONAIRE WHO NEVER NEEDED TO WORK, EVER.

I also find myself burdened with an apparent amount of social awkwardness that forces my mind to cave in on itself at the sound of a stranger making conversation with me. This isn’t because I don’t want to talk to people, it’s just the idea that I know myself and I know how damn right idiotic I sound at the best of times, so how the hell am I going to sound to this brand new person. And when I do speak, I end up saying whatever I didn’t intend to say or I trip up over all my words and usually say something the other person can conveniently make an innuendo out of. ARGH.

And even better, if I’m ever put in an intimidating situation, chances are I’ll cry and blubber my way through the whole English language until my listener has given up on humanity altogether.

I’m not particularly good with my words for someone who would quite enjoy being a writer, in fact I’ve struggled more times than I’ve prevailed in the art of language. But I’ve won over many a job interview, held my own in performance and “blagged” whole subjects I knew nothing about when questioned. So I’ve gotten by…just.

Oh and when/if I’ve had the chance, if anyone who has ever treat me wrongfully or hurt me  came across me again, I always somehow found the exact words to say to them. Or at least I did when talking to myself in the mirror and day-dreaming…

Am I going crazy?

Do you struggle with words? Have you ever had the perfect moment where you said the best thing you have ever come up with?

Demi Nicole

x x x

359 days to go.

365 Days To Go

MONSTERS UNIVERSITYDealing with my lack of productivity…


 

A tale as old as time, I want to do so much but can’t find the motivation to do any of it. What a dilemma!

Okay! Today it hit me that in a years time I will not be a university student, I won’t be in education and overall, in my mind, I won’t have a purpose. Insert existential crisis right about here. Now, I see people cry out that the end of a significant era can cause panic, uncertainty and a complete lack of stability in every day life and I have always found myself commenting to fellow classmates “what next? What are we supposed to do after this?”. It was a panic that was brushed off with the easy “we will think about that when we get there” and the royal “we” kind of left me comforted that I won’t be alone in the terrifying journey of professional adulthood.

All in all, I’m not alone, around 2 million people graduate every year and some how figure out how to jump the broken bridge of life from education to well…whatever comes after. This should be comforting, it should make me think “if all those people manage it, then I’ll manage too and I’ll get by just fine”. But it seems all of those other students know where they want to go next, like they were handed some magical next step map to Mordor or some scholarship to Hogwarts and everything from that point is just dandy. And I guess I slept in the day all the secret answers and cheat codes were finally unveiled.

Now of course, I’m kidding myself. No matter how much I romanticise it, there is no hidden level where you 1up so much in life you will no longer need to worry but I think that was my way of avoiding the 21 year question: So, what do you want to be when you get older?

I just figured, I’ll think about that when I get older, I don’t need to worry now. Well guess what? I AM OLDER. I AM THERE. And am I prepared? Am I hickory. I’m the one sat here on a Friday evening watching Nintendo conferences and eating bacon rather than actually reading the Great Wall of China long list of reading I need to do.  I see people that are just so productive with their time it’s unreal, they create and design and take a million selfies a day, (even that seems more productive than my current state) everyone seems to have it figured out. Don’t get me wrong, I work, I clean, I cook etc but I have a creative mind that seems to have been trapped in a forgotten dungeon for the past 4 months and I can’t remember what I did with the key.

The end of 2nd year went out on such a high, I achieved an astoundingly amazing grade for my directed adaptation of “Lovesong” by Abi Morgan and Frantic Assembly and I felt incredibly positive about what I could personally achieve. Then summer happened. I guess summer has been the complete polar opposite of what summer should be and to some degree it has destroyed me to within an inch of my own sanity. There are a lot of nasty people I am pretty much rid of though for it and I have met some friends I know I’ll have for a long time.

But I need to figure it out and WO-MAN up. I want to get fit, I want to be creative and do something worth doing. I have a driving test in a month, I have new places of work to prove my abilities and I have a degree to finish – which ultimately is my most important priority. So yeah, 365 days. I wonder if on the 12th September 2015 I’ll feel like I’ve done everything I can to kickstart my life.  Maybe I’ll figure out how to stop panicking and start acting on my goals. It’s easy right?

There must be a way to focus thy mind, a way to be not so distracted by kitty cats and endless episodes of The Office US on Netflix.

Let me know if you struggled with the “after uni blues” or a difficult transition in life? What helps you motivate yourself? Is procrastination an epidemic?

See you tomorrow

Demi Nicole

x x x