Tag Archives: personal

When is enough, enough?

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…Is enough, is enough, is enough?


When it comes to excess, I am reigning queen supreme of too much, I get too emotional, too greedy over unhealthy food, buy more than I need, drink more than I can take, work more than I need to, apologise more than I should have to. Hell, when I was looking for a photo for this post I went from typing “cake” into Google to typing an amended search of “lots of cake” as one whopping fudge cake just didn’t look right!

Now I’m a little strange because I either do things half arsed or completely Bree Van De Kamp/Hodge.

I’ve been a little distracted from writing on here for about a week now and I feel terrible but I actually started my final year of uni. DUN DUN DUUUUUUH! And I’ve become emotionally unstable since. It’s finally dawned on me that I need to make some life decisions, I need to think a little more outside of the box rather than leaning on the “I’ll figure it out when I get there” scenario. So I’ve been worrying and stressing like a neurosurgeon whose dropped half of his lunch onto someones brain. I’ve ordered several prospectus’ for MA courses starting in 2016, I’m signing up for every extra class that may get me merits onto these courses and I’m critically organising my last year to achieve the best attainable grade. I can hardily breath and I’ve only been back a day.

So I resolved my stress by buying a mega ton of cheesecake.

And for the past 24 hours I haven’t entirely been sure how to feel. For the first time I can sense genuine dread in my stomach, the sensation that some time soon I may have to make life altering decisions that will better my future and no matter how old I get I don’t think those things will ever get easier.

I’m beginning to question if all of this is too much? Why at 21 years old does it feel like I have to have all the answers to a life I am yet to live? It’s all a bit excessive and just possibly if I over do it, maybe I’ll forget to enjoy this last year. Maybe my life will pass before my eyes while I’m planning for a future I’m too busy to live.

As they say, moderation is key. So I’m leaving this short and rather open ended for now, I’m sure you’ll hear enough of my rants over the next year.

Demi Nicole 

x x x

352 days to go

 

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Who am I?

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I don’t know…


You’re about to enter a room full of strangers, where you will have exactly four minutes to tell a story that would convey who you really are. What’s your story?

My story begins with kindness. Not in a world peace, all loving, living in the 60’s vibe sort of way but just simple unhinged kindness. Something it seems the world forgot about along time ago. My journey has been rough, it’s been testing and challenging at the best of times and I know by far I haven’t in the slightest had it the worst. But if I could say anything at all that could be valid enough to be called a story, it would be to treat people with compassion. To realise everyone is just a life, a feeble, fragile and very sensitive life no matter how tough the exterior seems.

Hard days will come and go but no one deserves to deal with someone else’s problem and I have found myself at the opposite end of other peoples attitudes far too many times for my own liking. It has broken me, the selfishness of far too many has left me unable to trust so easily, too weary of new people and reading into every word that anyone says to me. And that isn’t my fault. I used to blame myself but it isn’t my fault at all.

It’s a persons negligence to see that some things are ephemeral, that they aren’t worth hurting another over. It’s the lack of care that makes them forget about consequences. It’s for sakes sake. For the laugh, for the joy of making themselves feel better perhaps.

If I could be anything, it would be compassionate. It would be kind. It would be understanding. I try my very best to live my life by these morals. If I could teach anyone anything, it would be these three things.

Demi Nicole

x x x 

357 days to go

 

Goodbye Summer

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And good riddance!


Autumn, do I love it or loath it? I absolutely adore it. Or should I say Fall, as my prompt so beautifully describes it. It’s the time of the year where a whole spectrum of spectacular colours paint your walk to work, all food starts to taste of an essence of cinnamon and you know it’s just about time to pull out your favourite knit jumper from the back of the wardrobe.

Sadly, here in England, the trees seem to have forgotten it is autumn and the great big batch of cinnamon seasoning hasn’t arrived in my favourite coffee shop but it’s definitely in the air. The mornings are crisp and bright but a slight chill gives me a reassuring pat on the back, telling me that winter is well and truly on its way.

Last year I couldn’t get excited for the winter season, when usually it’s my favourite time of year; Festive joy, knee high snow and my birthday make it a stupendously lovely time. But having to work full-time in a retail company that was less than beneficial, finding myself stranded on a train home at 11pm on Christmas eve and being shipped back to work two days later left me anything but happy.

So this year I am determined to enjoy every wonderful moment of the closing half of the year. I am going to buy lots of new jumpers, stock up on a ton of gingerbread and hot chocolate and prepare myself for hopefully a lot of winter walks in the snow.

Fall is a great time of the year, it signifies the end of tough parts of the year and starts to new journeys. You see leaves fall from trees so gracefully, knowing that it won’t take them long to replenish even more beautifully. Besides I hate bikinis.

Here are

generic Google image results for this amazing time of year, just to exemplify how magnificent it is.

Autumn Hedgehog 1

Autumn-Leaves-and-Black-Cat-WallpaperHow cute? Besides, it’s almost time for Halloween and a good excuse to eat as much food as humanly possible, what isn’t brilliant about it?

Brace yourselves, winter is most definitely coming.

Demi Nicole

x x x 

358 days to go

10 Minutes You Say?

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Maybe I’m a Timelord?


Today I embark on my journey to become a committed writer and blogger for the first time since I started this blog, which seemed to be 7 centuries ago now I come to think of it. Today my task is to write about anything, anything at all but I can only type away for ten minutes, no more, no less. ALRIGHT.

Well what do I talk about, do I ramble about pointlessnesses or do I delve into the frivolous ideas of time that keep masquerading around my head as I write this very post. We could chat about my fear of running out of time (quite ironically what the main theme of this blog is), my wasted time in bed this morning (I did not wake until 2pm) or my lack of time to do anything I deem productive.

Time gives us a purpose and a sense of being yet it is something that doesn’t exist at all when we think about it. It is man made. Sure things work on a scale and take so long in which to be completed and I suppose that scale can be regarded as time but I read a while ago about the fact that as humans, we are the only species that keeps track of this conspicuous element. We give it such weight on our existence and let it rule over us. “Oh I’m going to be late, I’m too old, I can’t do that I don’t have time.”

What if none of us have time at all? What if we are just floating through a realm of nothingness and we actually get to decide what we do and when we do it? There is no curfew, no bed time, no deadline. If you want to do something, you just do rather than being constrained to this dictation that we are running out of the none existent nothingness. Maybe we should put down our clocks, our diaries and our alarms and just live. Forgetting if time runs away with us or if a day is dragging. We are forgetting to enjoy ourselves in the present because we are too concerned we are missing out on the future and ironically sometimes we miss out on the future because we are held back by the past. WHAT IS THIS LUNACY?!

Or am I just rambling?

I have even booked my driving test for 11:11am because THAT’S a lucky time! Are you freaking kidding me?

Tell me when time has gotten the better of you? Or if you have some fantastical ideas and theory on time that simply seem downright absurd. Let’s talk.

Ten minutes up,

Demi Nicole

x x x

361 days to go

Is love as difficult as it seems?

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And does it ever get easier?


So, as I explained in my previous post, I have been productively living my life alongside copious amounts of the American Office. By far, possible one of the most genius pieces of writing to have ever graced television – But I’m sure we will have a discussion about that at some other more convenient and less distracted time. The most staple through-line of the entire programme itself, to me, has to be the love affair that is Jim and Pam. They are more romantic, sweet and perfect for each other than the outcome of a Disney cake baked entirely from every fairytale Princess happy ending and first kiss that ever happened. Somehow, the writers of the Office sat down and envisioned the perfect relationship…something all of us have been chasing for what seems like an eternity.

Well then…what’s the secret? I’d love to have the answer to this one, I really would but I’m a mere twenty years of age, with a string of failed relationships hidden under the carpet so I’d be nothing but useless at even attempting to answer this one. However, for someone so young, I think I have learnt some pretty important lessons to aid the fragile first steps to any relationship; The do’s and do not’s, the coping with ups and downs, how to refrain from throwing fragile objects at one another. And I have studied Jim and Pam longer than I have studied my own lecture notes, so here are my ideas:

1. Establish who you are at your worst.

Now I don’t mean go in all guns blazing, kicking over furniture and shouting down the roof to parade your true colours but I do believe it’s important to recognise your primary ways of dealing with negative situations such as arguments with the significant other. And why not let them know? I know, I’m as stubborn as they come, but sometimes it can be massively beneficial to realise that sometimes you can be a bit of a bitch or the way you talk to them can be a little dickish – or maybe you’re just a king or queen of drama in a fuelled situation. Whatever it might be, if you address it, you can deal with it better and if your partner knows that that is simply your “coping” mechanism, maybe they’ll be a little more understanding in the event of a meteor collision of opposing opinions. Maybe they’ll think of ways to calm you down or how to best not aggravate your temper further. And obviously vice versa. Then one (or both) of you might be a little less inclined to storm out of the door so hastily.

2. Is it really worth fighting over?

I daren’t know how much of the past 5 years I’ve spent arguing with a partner but it happens. You live, you learn, you forget the bad eggs and decisions. A relationship without a little opposition, is a relationship lacking a little passion in my view however. We need to be different, we need to have views and interests that make us us, otherwise we only end up merging together and turning into one big gloopy mess of two wasted brains. And believe me, after the initial “they are so great, I love every little thing they do” stage of a relationship, your S.O WILL irritate you in little ways. Like my boyfriend leaves little piles of scraps of paper and rubbish everywhere that seems to spawn in every corner of the apartment but I also leave the cap off the tooth paste and have 7 thousand bobby pins strategically hidden everywhere. After a while it can get annoying but it isn’t the be all and end all. And even with other things, sometimes you have to take a step back and think “is this worth causing an issue over?”. The simple answer is no. Sometimes we gotta let it go. Time is too short.

3.  Spend time apart together.

When a relationship gets mega serious and you find yourself always with each other or maybe you live together, you sometimes forget to spend time with yourself or doing what interests you. Just because you’re in the same room or house doesn’t mean you have to remain joined at the hip, it’s perfectly fine for you to do different things. Often it’s just nice to know they are there to smile at from across the room. Don’t forget to enjoy some quality me time.

4. You’re not always right.

Sometimes the best thing to do is just admit you’re wrong, no matter how much you can’t bare to, it honestly isn’t about winning when it comes to love.

5. If they make you happy, what else matters?

If you’ve had a terrible day at work, if people seem to consistently let you down, if things aren’t going accordingly to plan…if they are what still makes you smile, still makes you think about a future that might at the time seem a million lifetimes away, nothing else really does matter. The person you choose to be in a relationship with isn’t who you should take all the shit times out on. They are the one who is there to listen, to help and to ultimately reassure you that you aren’t going through that stuff alone. And you’re the same rock for them too. Appreciate that there is always that one someone that can offer that.

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These aren’t rules for a successful relationship and they most certainly won’t work for everyone but they are a few things I have learnt along the way. I think we are all just trying to get by and answers may never come in regards to how to make that journey any easier. Maybe you’re not even in a relationship, maybe you’re just hoping to better your relationship with friends or family. For heavens sake, I hardily ever practise what I preach but I do give it my best shot. And you know what, a lot of the time it works for me. I hope to learn more, to become a better person and to help those around me. If we’ve got to face this world, we might as well face it together.

Let me know if you have any handy tips for a successful for relationship? Or any life lessons you’ve learnt so far?

Spread the love

Demi Nicole

x x x

(364 days to go)