And does it ever get easier?
So, as I explained in my previous post, I have been productively living my life alongside copious amounts of the American Office. By far, possible one of the most genius pieces of writing to have ever graced television – But I’m sure we will have a discussion about that at some other more convenient and less distracted time. The most staple through-line of the entire programme itself, to me, has to be the love affair that is Jim and Pam. They are more romantic, sweet and perfect for each other than the outcome of a Disney cake baked entirely from every fairytale Princess happy ending and first kiss that ever happened. Somehow, the writers of the Office sat down and envisioned the perfect relationship…something all of us have been chasing for what seems like an eternity.
Well then…what’s the secret? I’d love to have the answer to this one, I really would but I’m a mere twenty years of age, with a string of failed relationships hidden under the carpet so I’d be nothing but useless at even attempting to answer this one. However, for someone so young, I think I have learnt some pretty important lessons to aid the fragile first steps to any relationship; The do’s and do not’s, the coping with ups and downs, how to refrain from throwing fragile objects at one another. And I have studied Jim and Pam longer than I have studied my own lecture notes, so here are my ideas:
1. Establish who you are at your worst.
Now I don’t mean go in all guns blazing, kicking over furniture and shouting down the roof to parade your true colours but I do believe it’s important to recognise your primary ways of dealing with negative situations such as arguments with the significant other. And why not let them know? I know, I’m as stubborn as they come, but sometimes it can be massively beneficial to realise that sometimes you can be a bit of a bitch or the way you talk to them can be a little dickish – or maybe you’re just a king or queen of drama in a fuelled situation. Whatever it might be, if you address it, you can deal with it better and if your partner knows that that is simply your “coping” mechanism, maybe they’ll be a little more understanding in the event of a meteor collision of opposing opinions. Maybe they’ll think of ways to calm you down or how to best not aggravate your temper further. And obviously vice versa. Then one (or both) of you might be a little less inclined to storm out of the door so hastily.
2. Is it really worth fighting over?
I daren’t know how much of the past 5 years I’ve spent arguing with a partner but it happens. You live, you learn, you forget the bad eggs and decisions. A relationship without a little opposition, is a relationship lacking a little passion in my view however. We need to be different, we need to have views and interests that make us us, otherwise we only end up merging together and turning into one big gloopy mess of two wasted brains. And believe me, after the initial “they are so great, I love every little thing they do” stage of a relationship, your S.O WILL irritate you in little ways. Like my boyfriend leaves little piles of scraps of paper and rubbish everywhere that seems to spawn in every corner of the apartment but I also leave the cap off the tooth paste and have 7 thousand bobby pins strategically hidden everywhere. After a while it can get annoying but it isn’t the be all and end all. And even with other things, sometimes you have to take a step back and think “is this worth causing an issue over?”. The simple answer is no. Sometimes we gotta let it go. Time is too short.
3. Spend time apart together.
When a relationship gets mega serious and you find yourself always with each other or maybe you live together, you sometimes forget to spend time with yourself or doing what interests you. Just because you’re in the same room or house doesn’t mean you have to remain joined at the hip, it’s perfectly fine for you to do different things. Often it’s just nice to know they are there to smile at from across the room. Don’t forget to enjoy some quality me time.
4. You’re not always right.
Sometimes the best thing to do is just admit you’re wrong, no matter how much you can’t bare to, it honestly isn’t about winning when it comes to love.
5. If they make you happy, what else matters?
If you’ve had a terrible day at work, if people seem to consistently let you down, if things aren’t going accordingly to plan…if they are what still makes you smile, still makes you think about a future that might at the time seem a million lifetimes away, nothing else really does matter. The person you choose to be in a relationship with isn’t who you should take all the shit times out on. They are the one who is there to listen, to help and to ultimately reassure you that you aren’t going through that stuff alone. And you’re the same rock for them too. Appreciate that there is always that one someone that can offer that.
These aren’t rules for a successful relationship and they most certainly won’t work for everyone but they are a few things I have learnt along the way. I think we are all just trying to get by and answers may never come in regards to how to make that journey any easier. Maybe you’re not even in a relationship, maybe you’re just hoping to better your relationship with friends or family. For heavens sake, I hardily ever practise what I preach but I do give it my best shot. And you know what, a lot of the time it works for me. I hope to learn more, to become a better person and to help those around me. If we’ve got to face this world, we might as well face it together.
Let me know if you have any handy tips for a successful for relationship? Or any life lessons you’ve learnt so far?
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x x x
(364 days to go)